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Not Just Any Friday… A VAN DAMME FRIDAY
By admin | September 27, 2007
Bust this stuff out at your Christmas party, and you’ll be the hit of the year.
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Great “I’m late to work” Excuse Voicemail.
By admin | September 26, 2007
The human mind works in funny ways - especially when it comes to coming up with an excuse for being late to work. The amount of thought and preparation for calling-in is actually hilarious. The “sick” voice has to be just right; a bit raspy and tired, with a hint of pity. I used to be a master at this. In fact, I was fired from four waitering jobs in college for just not going to work. As a waiter, they wanted you to work on weekends, which just wasn’t convenient for my party schedule.
Anyway, check out this excuse voicemail from an employee to his boss, who is a faithful TCG reader. We even made a slideshow with the voicemail for your entertainment.
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Yep, I work with these monkeys…
By admin | September 25, 2007
Alright TCG faithfuls - below is an email from our HR lady person that makes me snicker. Do us a favor and send in your best scolding HR or office manager email and we’ll share it on the site.
______________________________________________________
Hello Gentleman,
Doug has brought it to my attention that someone has put toilet paper in the urinal and it is now backed up. He has two requests: 1. whoever did this needs to take care of it by removing the toilet paper, and then using the plunger to unclog the urinal, and 2. this is the second time this has happened - and the last time. Pat is the one who informed Doug of the issue, and the last time Doug had to call out the plumber. Doug also advised if this happens again that we have to pay for the cost of the repair as an office. I am assuming that you gentlemen can resolve this issue on your own without the plumber being called out for a costly repair. If this is not the case, then Thomas or Sully, can you please advise me, and I will call the plumber?
Sincerely,
Tree C.//Office Manager
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To Every Company That Didn’t Hire Me…
By admin | September 24, 2007
Happy Tuesday everyone. Today’s lesson: Not all TCG readers are necessarily “stable.” Needless to say, this TCG faithful may need to CAST A WIDER NET. We appreciate the drive though…read on, and enjoy.
Date: 2007-08-12, 2:56PM EDT
Hey, all you companies that decided not to hire me in the past 685 days… remember me? No? Well, I’m the one that sent you all those resumes and clever cover letters. I’m the one that called your VPs of Sales relentlessly to alert them to my availability. It was me that went to every lame, horrific, and uncomfortable networking event just to try to meet some of you live.
![psycho_shower[1]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1002/1437246519_4994cc28e4_m.jpg)
Those were my ads you saw in the Chicago Tribune and Chicago Reader meant to show you I existed. (And if you recall, I was the gal that received nothing for my efforts except emails from perverts.)
Need me to refresh your memory some more? I’m the person that submitted to your pre-employment quizzes, allowing you to query my credit and education records and probe my nonexistent criminal history. I peed into your plastic cups on demand and was grilled by manager after manager at your company. You don’t remember when you had me interview with six different people in the organization on six separate occasions? Read the rest of this entry »
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GREAT RESIGNATION LETTER. CHEERS TO THIS GUY.
By admin | September 24, 2007
One of our faithful TCG readers just sent this resignation email to me. Some guy from a major bank in NY apparently had it with the grind. I love it when Cubeland heroes resign like this; this guy’s a stud. Enjoy.
![showmethemoneyphoto[1]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1105/1433667976_e4d088f6d8_m.jpg)
Sent: Sun Sep 16 07:02:32 2007
Subject: Sorry everyone
I’m leaving the bank now. I’m not made to do this. If I put my mind to something as much as I do here to mindless text editing, copy and pasting, and getting yelled at for stuff other people can’t/won’t/don’t do, I would be much better off. It’s 6:43 a.m. on a Sunday, and I have at least 14 more hours of work to do today that will not be fulfilling, useful, appreciated, recognized, or paid for. Sorry this is last minute, but it’s just not worth doing more. My blackberry is on my desk. Apparently that failed staffing request was fatal (no, not as in I’m going to kill myself, hehe, I’m just going to go enjoy life). There is no happiness here. I took all my personal stuff. No one needs to contact me for anything (except for a drink for those of you with my personal number). I will only be at my
Topics: Blogroll | 1 Comment »
Office Pep Rally: Contribution From a TCG reader
By admin | September 21, 2007
My bosses are so stupid. They think decorating our office like a 2nd grade classroom is motivating.
I work in sales for a major radio network, and we are having a “Radio Digital Sales Week this week.” Since our management finally realizes that ad money is moving from traditional media to the internet, they have decided that we take a week to focus on selling our “digital assets.” The problem is that we don’t have any “digital assets.” We have websites, but they suck ass and no one goes to them. They expect me to sell $9000 in web revenue this week, but no one reads our websites! What a bunch of idiots. See the attached picture. All this week has done is given me fodder for emails and stories such as this to make fun of my job. Fuck me. Monster.com, here I come.
Tim
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Calling All Perverts
By admin | September 18, 2007
This “position” reminds me of the scene in Uncle Buck when John Candy punches out the drunk clown who shows up to entertain his young niece…as if you could be a clown and not show up drunk…and who is Uncle Buck to pass judgment? Cigars, binge eating, and sleeping with a woman outside the sacrament of marriage….At least with this job you have a chance to earn some tips…
_____________________________________
JOB POST: Become a Children’s Party Performer!
Date: 2007-09-17, 3:41PM PDT Dreamstar Parties is growing like crazy and looking for amazing performers ready for fun and rewarding work on a flexible schedule. We’re a dynamic company with four years of experience in entertaining children. You bring an energetic spirit and experience with kids, visual arts, drama/dance, or other related field and we’ll supply the costumes, party supplies, and paid training. Our parties showcase our performers’ talents in Magic Shows, Face Painting, Balloon Twisting and much more. We offer flexible schedules and steady work with most performers making $250 to $300 for 4.5 hours a week, and business is booming so there is room for you to grow with us. We ask that all of our performers are available weekends and have reliable transportation.This is a great opportunity to earn extra money, have fun, and create lasting memories.Looking forward to hearing from you and good luck!
$60-$75/1.5hr. plus tips And if anyone is even seriously thinking about applying to this job…..Well, I have something to tell you … I am Chris Hanson from Dateline NBC.
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The Hung Over Corporate Guy
By admin | September 3, 2007
I have a theory: very few excuses exist for men to call into work “sick.” A man’s sick/excuse list should read something like this: loss of limb, my wife or one night stand is having a baby, federal indictment for dog-fighting, funeral, wore the wrong socks. Hung-over is not on the list.
Now as any good corporate guy knows, a day of hooky can be good for the soul - should it come with a real good reason. The part that gets me is the guy who calls in sick because he’s hung-over. Read the rest of this entry »
Topics: bulletin | 3 Comments »
Hats off to These Genius Ad Writers
By admin | September 3, 2007
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